How to Drop Hints That You're LGBT
Maybe you're trying to figure out whether or not you are ready to come out, or maybe you want to let someone know that you are interested in them romantically. You might be ready to drop hints that you are LGBT. You can give clues as to your sexual orientation by dropping verbal clues and by giving visual hints. It's a good idea to make sure that you are prepared for a wide range of possible reactions.
Giving Verbal Clues
Talk about people you find attractive.If you want to let people know how about your sexual identity without explicitly stating it, you can definitely work some casual hints into conversation. Maybe you want your best friend to know that you are a lesbian. Drop some clues by saying something like, “Did you see that girl sitting next to me in Biology class? Wow, I could get lost in those beautiful eyes!"
- If you are bisexual, you could say, “I’m not sure who I’m more into inLa La Land: Emma Stone or Ryan Gosling!”
Talk about dating.Try to find a way to bring up romantic relationships in an everyday conversation. You can do this with friends or family. For example, if you’re working towards coming out to your sister, bring up the subject of dating. You could start by asking her how her relationship is going. If she’s dating a man and you identify as gay, you could say, “He’s such a great guy. I’d love to find a man to date who is just as funny as Josh.”
- You can also make it less specific. For instance, if you’re bisexual you could say, “Intelligence is the most important thing to me in a relationship. I’m much less interested in gender.”
Drop verbal hints if someone is hitting on you.Sometimes people just make an assumption that you are straight. For instance, if you are a single woman at a bar, it wouldn’t be unusual for a man to come up and offer to buy you a drink. It makes sense that you don’t feel like talking to a stranger about your sexual orientation. Try dropping some verbal clues.
- You could say, “I really mean it when I say you are definitely not my type. It’s not personal. I’m just positive you’re not my type.”
- Of course, if you're into the person you should feel free to flirt back!
Talk about LGBT celebrities.Pop culture is a great way to naturally bring up sexual orientation. You could make comments about famous people that you admire who are LGBT. This might be a good strategy for gauging how your family feels about people who are LGBT.
- Try saying something like, “I love how Ellen Degeneres really owns her sexuality! Maybe someday I’ll be as comfortable and confident as she is.”
Using Visual Hints
Wear rainbow clothing items.The rainbow is part of the flag that represents the LGBT community. It has a lot of historic symbolism, and it is commonly recognized. Try incorporating some rainbow items into your wardrobe to show your pride.
- You can wear a rainbow scarf, t-shirt, or even sneakers.
- You can also wear rainbow accessories such as hats or bracelets.
Wear a message T-shirt.Shirts are a great way to drop hints. You might be wearing one because you are an ally, or maybe because you’re celebrating your own pride. It’s up to you if you want to tell people about your sexual orientation. If someone asks you about your shirt, this is a great way to start a positive conversation!
- Popular shirts say things like “Gender Roles are Dead”, “We Are You”, and “Love Love.”
Change your wallpaper to a photo of you and someone you are dating.You check your phone often, and other people are likely to notice your wallpaper when you pull it out. Maybe you are trying to find a way to tell your parents that you are dating someone of the same sex. Try putting a picture of you and your partner as the wallpaper.
- Choose a picture that looks like the two of you might be more than just friends. Maybe you’re looking into each other’s eyes or have your arms around each other.
Use flirtatious body language with someone you are attracted to.Maybe you want to let someone know that you are interested in them, but aren’t sure how to say it. For example, maybe you identify as gay, but have never dated another man before. You can flirt without having to specifically talk about your sexual orientation.
- Make eye contact and hold it for several seconds.
- Use casual touch. For example, reach out and touch their hand when they make a joke.
- Stand close to them when you are talking.
- Use discouraging body language if you want to nicely reject someone. Look away if they try to make eye contact. Turn your body away if they head your way.
Get involved with LGBT organizations.There are lots of ways to show your support of the LGBT community! Try finding a way to actively support these organizations. For example, you could volunteer at events such as your local pride parade. Or maybe you could volunteer to hand out literature at a street festival. People might ask you why you’re involved and your response is up to you.
Accepting Different Reactions
Accept that some relationships might change.Before you drop hints, be aware that relationships could potentially be different. If someone realizes that you are LGBT, it might cause strain. Sometimes friendships change. However, you should also know that sometimes relationships change for the better.
- For example, maybe the person you are interested in realizes that you two might work out as a couple.
- Some of your relationships may become strained, and it may be a while before they go back to normal.
Make a plan for coming out to your parents.Before you drop hints to your parents, make sure that you are prepared to have an honest discussion with them if they ask what your clues mean. Hopefully, your parents will be immediately supportive. Sometimes parents express shock, sadness, or even anger when they learn their child is LGBT.
- Your parents will likely have a lot of questions for you. Have some resources ready for them. For example, you can direct them to PFLAG's website at .
- Make a safety plan just in case. If you think there is a chance your parents might react negatively, plan ahead and have a safe place to go. Ask a friend if you can stay at their house for a few days.
Find a support system.If you are worried about anyone’s reaction to your hints, it’s a good idea to have a support system in place. If you are already out to a friend or family member, let them know that you might need some extra support in the near future. You could also get support from your local LGBT community center.
Be patient while people process their feelings.Sometimes people need time to process information and how they feel about it. Some people will have a reaction, but they're not sure what to say. That's okay. Try to allow them space and time to work out how they feel. Understand that people won't always have a reaction to learning about your sexual orientation.
- Know that it is normal for people to change their initial reaction after they have fully processed your news. For example, maybe a friend initially acts withdrawn. They might be back to normal in a couple of days or weeks.
QuestionI am bisexual and want to come out to my mother. My mom is bisexual too, but for some reason I'm scared and don't know how to tell her. What can I do?
Clinical Social WorkerClinical Social WorkerExpert AnswerYou are halfway there. Your Mom might just understand given her own identity. However, keep in mind that it is always hard to tell our parents anything that we think they might not approve of.Thanks!
QuestionI am not ready to come out to my mom but I'm afraid I'm going to be forced to pretty soon. I don't know how to tell her because she's very religious. How do I tell her without shocking her too much?
Clinical Social WorkerClinical Social WorkerExpert AnswerI am not sure that it will be possible to not shock her--unless she has already guessed. But ask yourself, how you feel about not telling her? A lot of parents find a way to reconcile their own beliefs when their own children are involved. But as a Plan B, you may want to arrange someplace to go for a few days after you tell your mom if it goes badly.Thanks!
QuestionMy dad still doesn't get that I'm gay, even though I blast Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Rihanna, always wear gay clothes, and have a gay vibe. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt's very likely that he knows, he just doesn't fully accept it or he feels too awkward to bring it up with you. Your best bet (assuming you feel safe doing so) is to just tell him directly.Thanks!
QuestionI have a HUGE crush on my best friend: the only problem is that she's straight, and she recently got a boyfriend. I don't know how to come out to her -- I am scared of telling her because I think that she might judge me. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerFor starters, if she's a true friend, she will accept you whether you identify as LGBT or not. Perhaps a pertinent question, though, is why you want to tell her...Is it just so she'll know, or because you have a crush on her and hope that somehow it will be reciprocated, even though she's clearly straight? If the answer is the latter, it's best that you reconsider. You wouldn't want to be seen as -- or be -- manipulative.Thanks!
QuestionI'm a lesbian, but I honestly just feel kind of girly sometimes, which is like, the opposite of lesbian stereotypes. How do I come out without it being a total shock?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerDon't worry about stereotypes or any of that nonsense. You are who you are and that's great. Any intelligent person knows that stereotypes are not true to life, there are plenty of very feminine lesbians. Just be you, who cares if people are "shocked" or not.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I do this if I'm pansexual?Top AnswererThe exact same way that a gay or bisexual person would do it. Pansexual people are still LGBT (the acronym has been updated to LGBTQIAP+, which is kind of a mouthful, so some people still say "LGBT" or "LGBT+" to be brief). All of the steps in the article can apply to you. Figure out what works for you, watch how others react, and decide whether, when, and how to come out.Thanks!
QuestionI've told a few of my close friends I'm bi, but I'm crushing on my close friend's best friend. Should tell my friend I have a crush on her best friend?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTell your close friend about your feelings. She can help you decide if it's a good idea to pursue your feelings with her friend or move on.Thanks!
QuestionI'm a female who has has short hair, boy's clothes, a boy's personality, and I'm interested in things boys are interested in. I've had male friends for the longest time, but nobody seems to notice that I want to be trans. Is there a way I can fix this?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThanks!
QuestionI've used all of these and they still can't guess. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerConsider just coming out. If you're afraid to, wait until you're more comfortable with telling them and are sure they are LGBT friendly.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I tell my teachers and school to call me by my pronouns and name? I don't want them to get my parents involved because I haven't told them yet.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerI would suggest talking to a school counselor. They are generally open-minded and trustworthy and they will also be aware of any school policies regarding trans/identity issues. You could also try talking with a teacher you like and feel would be receptive and get his/her input.Thanks!
- Dropping hints, while a useful part of the process, can be confusing to people if it goes on for a long time. Be prepared to come out soon and set the record straight!
- Tell a supportive friend. If you feel like coming out, perhaps start by telling someone who will understand. Such people could include your best friend, a physician or a teacher.
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